4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think my vagina is haunted
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
