Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Holy sore nipples Batman
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
