Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
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His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
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I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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