im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
