I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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