i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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