I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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