And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
