Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
