Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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