I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
