Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
