Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
