new low.... made out with someone while peeing
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
