i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Found the puke drawer
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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