maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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