it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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