My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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