Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He has the fingertips of a God
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