I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
