Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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