No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
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