if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
accomplished twins. life is a go
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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