please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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