sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
