you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
