pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
