Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
