I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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