i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
