Umm I'm too high to move.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
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He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize