Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
