i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
