Having a random hookup so left but love u
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?