im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Randomize
