Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.

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(630): View more from Illinois

i think the doormans mad at me

(773): View more from Illinois

well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...

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If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Read it at the TFLN blog
(907): View more from Alaska

We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.

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(601): View more from Mississippi

It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.

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(330): View more from Ohio

I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.

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(858): View more from California

Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.

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