Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
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i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
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All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.