I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.