I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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