apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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