Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
i've created a new STD.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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