Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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