On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Randomize
