I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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