i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
