dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
