i can't believe i had my finger in that
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
