I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
