How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
