Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize