I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
