Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
