I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
