Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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