i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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