a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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