you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
