just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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