I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We were destined to go to rehab together
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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