I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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