he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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