FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
