i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize