Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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