a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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