I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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