Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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