Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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