What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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